Molly Shannon's magnificently twisted Val serves up split-pea soup and neurotic obsession.

Split-pea soup from Val
OK, here's a transcript of part of that famous split-pea soup scene. For more resources about this episode, including a full transcript, images, and sound clips, go to Rob's amazing Will & Grace site here, and look for episode 1-18, "Grace, Replaced".

VAL: [TO GRACE] Hey, do you have any Jane's Crazy Mixed Up Salt?

GRACE: No. Val, what are you doing here?

VAL: Oh, just helping out our friend sickie here.

GRACE: Oh. Thanks. Well... I'm home now, so you can go. I'll help out... sickie.

VAL: Oh, no, go back to work, Grace. We got it covered. I just made a pot of split-pea soup here so sickie won't be sickie anymore!

GRACE: Well, sickie doesn't like split pea.

WILL: Uh, could you stop calling me sickie? Or sickie's going to get...pukey.